Family and singing. It’s tough to make the two go together. I did it, but it required a lot of sacrifices—sacrifices on the part of my family, and sacrifices on the part of my singing.
A singer who wants a career can’t realistically expect to have a large family anymore. She can’t expect to have a spotless house or apartment. She can’t expect to attend all the Little League games, all the PTA meetings or other functions. She won’t be able to sit with her children—at least not consistently—while they practice piano or other instruments, nor help them consistently with their homework.
On the plus side, however, her children will grow up to be more independent than other children. Her children will probably be proud of their parents’ accomplishments. And when she’s home, she’s home full-time and can give her full attention to her children unlike moms who work fulltime. Her children grow up with a love of languages and culture unknown to others as they attend performances and hear practicing in many languages.
As for the career, the singer with a family tries not to be gone for months at a time. She and her husband have probably set up guidelines for how long she’ll be gone at a stretch. She might not be able to take that young artist job, because at the age a singer would accept a YA contract, children are too young to pack up and go with her. But she can take something like a weekly contract with New York City Opera, which can confer some of the benefits of a YA contract.
She probably couldn’t go on an audition trip to Europe for months at a time, or take a Fest contract too easily, although some have done it! She might want to move to the New York area, where the many local performing opportunities mean she can live at home and still be a performer. If she lives outside of New York, she has to plan audition trips into the budget.
On the plus side, she may feel she knows how to interpret some roles with a depth unavailable to those who haven’t experienced parenthood, and pregnancy usually causes the voice to become richer.
The strains on every marriage are many; it is even more difficult to be a singer and keep a marriage together. Your spouse has got to be someone who is unselfish and supportive, who loves the sound of your voice and supports your career. Even then, you can start out that way, and lose it—if you aren’t both working at it.
I remember a bass who came to my hotel room when I was away on a job. He was sobbing, because a chorister had seduced him the night before. He had a young wife at home who was newly pregnant, and he never meant to make a mistake like that—but he’d chosen to go to the bar with her after the performance and…
If you’re going to be a traveling singer, you have to work extremely hard at your marriage.You have to know yourself and know that you can hack it all alone on the road. If you can’t, it’s better to choose a different line of work than lose your marriage.
For the first years, a singer’s income rarely exceeds her expenses; this is difficult for many spouses to understand. Once children arrive, the cost of a nanny while the singer is away on a job eats away at the profits.
A spouse can be such a valuable asset to a singer, providing a base of support during career ups and downs, helping negotiate contracts, reminding a singer of his or her worth and past successes, and providing a cheering section! A good marriage is terrific for a career.
In view of all this, why do singers try to combine singing and family? The bottom line: If you can handle it, it’s worth it. As long as you can maintain a balance, you can have a happy family and still fulfill your gifts as a singer.
A singer’s career is always one big question mark—but the family can be a never-ending source of comfort and joy for the rest of your life. I like to say that even with all the credits on my resume, my family, now grown, is the most successful creative effort of my life. I’m so glad I chose to do both.
If you have a question about this article or anything else, please write to Ms. CJ Williamson, the editor of Classical Singer magazine at cj@classicalsinger.com (PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS) or P.O. Box 95490, South Jordan, UT 95490. Letters can be used as “Letters to the Editor” if you would like, “Name Withheld” if you’d like, or just meant for the staff only. Just let us know.
