How many singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten–one to do it, and nine to say, “I could have done that better.”
How many mezzos does it take to change a light bulb?
Two–one to stand on the ladder, and the other to say, “Isn’t that a little high for you, darling?”
These jokes, and many, many more in the same vein, hit a nerve because professional jealousy is so familiar to singers. Backbiting, pettiness, manipulative behavior, and bitter competitiveness are rife in the singing community.
We’ve all heard the story about the famous soprano who couldn’t stand for another soprano to have dressing room No. 1 (even though No. 1 and No. 2 were equidistant from the stage). She then threw the other soprano’s costumes into the hallway and moved hers into the room she perceived as being superior.
My own first experience as a target of jealousy took place years ago. I went backstage to congratulate a fellow mezzo on her performance (sincerely, I swear!). Standing there was a local conductor whom I had not yet met. My “friend” introduced me by saying, “Oh, and this is Melinda O’Meally. She’s a fine choral alto.” I was taken aback, but managed to say, “Nice to meet you. I’m a mezzo soloist as well.”
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the verb “envy” is defined as “to feel displeasure and ill-will at [another person’s] happiness, success, reputation, or the possession of anything desirable.” The Judeo-Christian religions identify envy as one of the seven deadly sins and state that, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” (Proverbs 14:30) In Nancy Friday’s book Jealousy, she defines envy as being between two people and jealousy as involving a third party. Other sources identify envy as material in nature, and jealousy as seeking approval or affection. Since we are definitely seeking approval or affection as well as the material benefits of being hired, I use these terms interchangeably.
Ms. Friday specifies three phases of jealousy–denial, devaluation, and idealization. Translated into singers’ terms this means:
1. Denial. “I am NOT jealous! Are you kidding? I like her voice!”
2. Devaluation. “I mean, it’s a little dark for my personal taste, but someone must like it…after all, she’s getting work….”
Devaluation of self. “Maybe my voice just isn’t rich enough. I don’t know why I even bother auditioning…my technique is just not good enough and it never will be.”
3. Idealization. “So-and-so is so good…I’ll never be in her league…I shouldn’t even try.”
Envy can affect us both personally and professionally. Since envy is so strongly rooted in anger, it is reasonable to conclude that the effects of anger on your physical and mental well-being would be the sameulcers, sleeplessness, the tendency to overeat or not eat, the inability to maintain relationships, nervousness, depression, etc. As the Brothers Grimm said of the witch in “Snow White,” “Envy and pride grew like weeds in her heart, until she knew no peace by day or by night.”
So how does this affect your career? An overtly jealous person develops a bad reputation, which leads to not being hired, more envy, and greater bitterness. As a result, some people may give up their dream of becoming solo artists and accept less-visible parts for the wrong reasons. For example, being a chorister is a valid and respectable way of making a living as a professional singer, but being a chorister who complains about how he/she “coulda been a contender” only makes life unpleasant for everyone.
So how do we overcome jealousy? According to a website by the Lakeshore Community Church (http://www.lakeshore church.org/html/jealousy_habit.html), there are four ways to “kick the jealousy habit”:
1. Avoid comparing yourself to others.
2. Allow others freedom to choose.
3. Don’t possess what isn’t yours.
4. Avoid elevating others above yourself.
Beth Wilkinson, in Coping With Jealousy, identifies prevention as a means of dealing with this emotion. If we develop positive and confident feelings and know and accept our strengths and limitations, we can resist the pull of envy when, for example, someone gets a part we wanted.
An important coping mechanism is communication. Talk with someone you trust. Whether this be a therapist who is paid to listen, a supportive friend, or even a daily journal, get it out.
This is a tough business, and singers need to support each other. If you think about it, professional jealousy is a contradiction anyway; you really can’t display jealousy and act professionally at the same time.
