It’s a typical travel day. You roll out of bed at dawn’s first light. You hum and sing scales as you shower, throw on your go-to audition outfit, grab a packed suitcase, and head to the airport. Oh, and you also remember the baby’s teething ring and blanket for the plane ride.
Mezzo-soprano Nina Yoshida Nelsen, like many other singers, has chosen this kind of life—balancing family with a performing career. But Nelsen—who has recently performed as the Mother in Amahl and the Night Visitors at Avery Fisher Hall and as Suzuki in Madama Butterfly at Sarasota Opera, Royal Albert Hall, and New York City Opera—is a hands-on mother who more often than not brings the baby along with her.
Whether it’s a day trip to New York City or an eight-week stay in London, Nelsen’s 15-month-old son Rhys has been his mother’s travel companion—save one quick trip—since she returned to singing after taking some time off for his birth.
“I love having something so inexplicably special to come home to at the end of the day,” Nelsen said in an e-mail message. “I love that there is something more important than me and my voice to think about.”
Nelsen has been on an exciting, if challenging, adventure of toting around her blonde-haired, “easy-going” baby everywhere from Florida to France.
Perks and challenges
Adriana Zabala is, among other fitting descriptions, a mezzo-soprano, wife, and mother. Her two girls, Valentine (3½) and Anaïs (2), travel with her when she plans to be gone for longer than two weeks. Seen recently as Isabella Linton in Minnesota Opera’s Wuthering Heights and Dorabella at Opera Saratoga, Zabala says traveling is a lot more tolerable with her daughters’ company.
“What I love [is] it’s not ‘life on the road’ or ‘life on hold,’ which is how the road used to feel for me sometimes,” Zabala said in an e-mail message. “With the girls, it’s life. I enjoy the daily in-and-out of their needs and philosophies. The perspective after a long day of rehearsal is wonderful. You simply cannot beat tucking your babies in at night.”
The family, including the children’s father, Sebastien, has celebrated a number of milestones while on the road. “We celebrated Valentine’s second birthday in Valencia, and Anaïs made her first crawling moves while there,” Zabala says. “Thankfully, Sebastien was able to be with us much of the time and worked in France and Italy while we were in the neighborhood.”
While Nelsen’s world travels are always in the service of her career, the bonus of giving her young son travel experience—even experience he isn’t likely to remember—has been worthwhile. “By Rhys’ first birthday, he had been to three countries and 20 states,” Nelsen says. “How many 1-year-olds can say that?”
But obstacles can arise. Traveling can be exhausting, and add in a baby or toddler—or both—and it’s exhausting times two. Then there are the added worries of finding adequate housing, paying for those extra plane tickets, either hiring a trustworthy nanny in your destination city or paying to bring one with you from home—the list goes on.
“It’s utterly exhausting,” Zabala says. “The level of logistical preparation, including financial, can feel staggering, especially on international trips.”
The costs can add up when traveling with a “mini-entourage” of family, Zabala confirms. “I found, especially soon after giving birth, that the priority was to continue to work, and that some gigs were worth the investment—of course for artistic reasons, but also beyond the check.”
Nelsen’s mother has served as Rhys’ nanny on some trips. When Nana is not available, Nelsen taps other resources to find affordable and dependable options. On a recent trip to New York, she “sent out an e-mail asking all my friends—mostly singers who were in town for audition season—if each one would take a day watching Rhys.” She repaid each one with dinner, and “it’s a great way for me to spend time with my friends and for them to get a peek into my crazy life.”
Tenor Brian Stucki of Holladay, Utah, says he knows his priorities when it comes to performing and family life. He brings his wife, Ann, and children—Colin (5½), Jane (3), and Kate (3½ months)—along to performances whenever possible.
“When my wife and I got married, we knew we wanted to have a family. My whole life, I’ve always looked forward to that,” he says.
Ann Stucki’s thoughtfulness is crucial to a successful, enjoyable, and efficient family trip, and Brian says returning to their makeshift home after a long day is a special feeling.
“I love that when I’m working on a job, when I’m done with rehearsal, I go home to my family. We set up a little home, whatever the situation is—whether it’s a little hotel suite or a tiny apartment or whatever. My wife is really wonderful at digging right in and getting a routine going and having a little portable home life.”
Being Apart
So, what makes the ordeal of taking your children along worth all the fuss?
“It’s certainly a challenge, and when you’re [close to] breaking [down] . . . part of you has to remember the richness of your situation, despite the relentlessness of your responsibilities and subsequent exhaustion,” Zabala says. “It was hard for me the first time out with both daughters to assert the time that I had to take for myself to stay rested and in good voice. This is a challenge when you’re the mama who is usually taking care of so many things all the time.”
The general rule, Zabala says, is she goes solo on short concert gigs but brings her daughters along for opera performances or anything two weeks or longer. “I was once away from them for a short two-week opera job, and it felt intolerable to not be with them,” she says.
Nina Nelsen’s husband, Jeff, is professor of horn at Indiana University where the Nelsen family of three resides throughout the year. Nina says he has been nothing but supportive of her continuing to perform and bring Rhys along to various cities and countries.
“The hardest thing [about traveling with Rhys] is knowing that I’m taking him away from his father. When we leave for eight weeks, that’s huge in the development of a baby,” Nelsen says.
For Stucki, being away from home for months at a time without his family isn’t an option. His idea of a fulfilling life is getting the best of both worlds, while not sacrificing being present for his children as they grow up. He either brings his family with him or chooses gigs that require a reasonable amount of time from home.
“I’ve always wanted to be a very hands-on, available, present father,” he says. “I wanted my kids to really know me, and I really wanted to know them, and I wanted to be there for the little stuff.”
A Spouse’s Perspective
Jeff Nelsen, Nina’s hornist husband and occasional performing partner, says being apart is nothing new to the musically inclined family. He was on the road himself, performing Gustav Mahler’s Sixth Symphony with the Chicago Symphony, in December while Nina and Rhys were in New York for Amahl and the Night Visitors. The two had a long-distance relationship from the beginning, lived together for a year after marriage, and then lived apart again for three years while she attended AVA and he taught at Indiana University and toured with Canadian Brass.
When Rhys was born, Jeff left his Canadian Brass position but continues to teach and perform. The couple devotes great attention to their schedules so any overlaps can have them sharing their parenting together. Otherwise, Nina says, “When I’m not singing, I’m home being wife and mommy.”
Nina’s performing career, in addition to Jeff’s own busy schedule of performing and teaching, enriches rather than hinders their relationship. “We both get to have very full lives and then we get to bring these experiences to each other, our marriage, and to Rhys,” Jeff says.
Technology allows constant communication so that perhaps seven weeks doesn’t seem quite as long. In fact, Jeff says, he values the time he can work while Nina and Rhys are gone so that he can be fully with them when they are home. “It’s sad because I miss some special moments, but now with the iPhone I get lots of videos . . . and we FaceTime every morning. [Nina] sends pictures throughout the day. We text a lot and call whenever we want.” The two even keep a game of Words with Friends going at all times.
If anything, the time spent apart means the memories created together are that much sweeter. “It’s like Christmas morning every day [when they return from a trip]. It’s amazing,” Jeff says.
Making It Work
Overall, Nelsen, Zabala, and Stucki wouldn’t have it any other way. They treasure the memories they have with their children on the road. In fact, the children have, in their own, unassuming ways, taught their parents what it means to be strong, successful performing artists.
“When I do gigs on my own . . . I don’t have a lot of distractions other than the performances and the rehearsals, and so all of that can loom larger than life,” Stucki says. “You start to think about your technique a lot
. . . . It’s not always productive. But when I have my family there, I go back to [where we’re staying] and I’m a dad and husband . . . and it gives my life a little balance and perspective.”
After Rhys was born, Nelsen discovered she has more energy than she once thought. “I used to think that I needed to rest the day of a show to sing it well. Now I know that I can spend all day playing and running around after a 1-year-old and still do a good job.”
And though the life of a parent and singer is not always easy, Nelsen says she encourages singers who want children to pursue their dream of starting a family.
“It’s an amazing ride. I had massive fears going into motherhood, but I was happily surprised to discover it really is possible to have kids and a career. I’ve received wonderful new understanding, encouragement, and empowerment from my experiences this past year. Best of all, I have this amazing bundle of joy that blows my mind every day.”
