Diva Diaries Entry 12: Authenticity and Being Misunderstood

Fear of being misunderstood hijacked most of my life. I yearned to be a digestible bite, easily served up to impress a stranger at a dinner party. But, no matter how hard I tried, I’m just not someone that can fit into a box.

It wasn’t until two years ago that I realized this is a good thing.

I was singing in the Metropolitan Opera’s National Council Auditions. At the beginning of my first aria, I filled the 20 second piano intro by walking around the stage, “searching” for my character’s lover. I did not think this was a particularly revolutionary decision, as this is what occurs during the scene in the staged opera. However, the first judge I met with during our private feedback sessions seemed to disagree. He patronizingly urged me to make a “less distracting choice.” My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. 

I questioned my decision (and, I’m sad to admit, my worth) while anxiously waiting to meet with the second judge. To my surprise, he told me he loved it. He thought my physically taking up space was artistic and memorable; he insisted I continue making daring choices. 

Same exact performance. Two polar opposite opinions!

That was the moment I realized I would always rather make a bold choice that divides the room than be someone who fades into the background. It is virtually impossible to create meaningful art if your sole intention is to appeal to the masses. 

It took me a minute to realize that this isn’t just about music. I’m an opera singer. I am also an entrepreneur, a writer, and a toilet activist (yes, really). I am a fiercely protective big sister and  extremely sensitive. I am a walking paradox. Yet, every single part of me gets to shine, unapologetically, all at once. 

Now, this doesn’t mean people are any less confused by me. But, the most beautiful part has been witnessing those who are intrigued by me, not only respect, but love all of my contradictions. 

It takes a lot of bravery to be misunderstood. But once you give your authenticity permission to confuse people, it’s impossible to go back. 

We only get this one life. And, I’m living it for me. 

Your fellow Diva,

Teddy