Dear Erda,
Between my day job and everything I have to do to get my singing career off the ground, I’m feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes I get so caught up in day-to-day life and realize a couple of weeks have gone by, and I haven’t even practiced! I’m not even sure what exactly I want anymore. I feel like time is passing me by, and I’m worried that I’ll wake up one day and realize that my dreams are still nothing but dreams, as far away as ever. Help!
—Overwhelmed
Dear Overwhelmed,
Let me ask you something: What could you do in one year?
If you started now, today, this very moment, where could you be one year from today?
What are your biggest, juiciest, most audacious dreams? The ones that are so out of this world, so seemingly out of reach, that you don’t dare to voice them aloud? What would happen if you sat down and really defined them, and then did a little work on them every day?
Can you imagine what you might have accomplished by January 2010, if you dedicated yourself to working on your dreams every day in 2009?
In September 2007, I decided that I was done with being overweight and diabetic. Now, a year later, I have lost more than 125 pounds and reversed my diabetes, going off all my meds. I did it by working systematically in a way I never had before, reprogramming the way I thought about food and eating, committing to exercise, and plugging away at doing a little bit of work every single day.
There’s more to it than that, of course. But my success in changing my health and my look has got me thinking: What else could I accomplish in one year, if I dedicated myself in the way I did to this project?
The New Year is a perfect time for new beginnings. For many years now, rather than stock up on resolutions, I’ve taken a page from my dear friend, writer Anna K. Havron, and chosen a theme for the new year. Themes provide a focus out of which specific goals can evolve. They serve as a reminder of our big picture. They encourage, rather than limit. Think of it as setting an intention, much as one sets an intention at the beginning of yoga practice.
I write my theme on the first page of my journal, and refer back to it as the year goes on. I define what the theme means to me, set goals, and begin taking steps to achieve them. As the year wears on, when confronted with a decision or an issue, I take my theme into account and choose courses of action that will support my goals.
Past themes have included “The Year of Getting It Together,” during which I worked hard to become better organized in very specific ways, “The Year of Releasing That Which Does Not Serve Me,” during which I worked on not sweating the small stuff, “The Year of Taking Care,” dedicated to paying more attention to detail, and “The Year of Success, Health, and Prosperity,” during which I established a daily diary to help me track progress towards each of those goals.
I haven’t yet decided on the theme for 2009, but it’s going to be big. That much I know. I know this because I am excited by what I was able to do in 2007-08, and because I think I might be able to use the tools that helped me lose weight to accomplish a great deal in other areas of my life.
Anyone can use these tools. Let’s go through a few of them and look at some basic steps you can use to start your own journey.
Step One: Start dreaming.
Every journey begins with a dream, a desire. We have a need inside that wants to come out and be acknowledged. We aren’t always very good about listening to those dreams. Help yourself by making a dream board.
Create a time and space for yourself when you won’t be disturbed. Sit down with your favorite arts and crafts supplies—scissors, glue, colored markers, paints, glitter, photos from magazines, art you’ve printed from the Internet, images and words that inspire you. Make a collage or draw pictures that illustrate your most secret, most audacious dreams.
If you’re not the artsy-craftsy type, write a list—but make it bold. Write in big, bold colors. This is not a laundry list. This is not a list of chores you have to do. This is a shopping list for the universe. This is what you want out of life, if only there were no restrictions, if only it were not (you think) impossible.
Allow yourself the freedom to “dream the impossible dream.” Allow yourself to be silly enough to think you could own a beach house in Hawaii, or be called to sing at La Scala, or learn to belly dance. Allow yourself to dream what you really want to dream. Dare.
Then put that dream board, or list, where you can see it every day. Mine sits next to my desk, reminding me of my audacious dreams. Some of them have already begun to come true.
Step Two: Make a list of the benefits you would receive from realizing your dreams.
Be as specific as possible. Would you be happier? Would you have more money? Would you be singing more often? Would you live in a different city? Try to picture what achieving your goals would look like, feel like, taste like, sound like, be like. Imagine in full color, in rich detail.
Keep this list close by, where you can read it every day. You may want to read it several times a day, or at specific times of day, or whenever you feel lost or overwhelmed.
Step Three: Make a list of the things that are keeping you from realizing your dreams.
These are objections, or if you’re a student of cognitive therapy, sabotaging thoughts. Whenever you catch yourself thinking these negative, dream-destroying thoughts, stop for a minute. Write down the objection, and then pretend that it comes from a friend who is saying it about her own dreams. How would you advise her? How would you make her see that those objections may not be reasonable or can be overcome?
Find solutions, and write those solutions down next to the objections. Whenever you find yourself dwelling on that objection, read the solution and remind yourself that there is a way to get where you want to go.
Step Four: Make time for what you want to accomplish.
Running a singing career is a full-time job, and most singers have a day job on top of that. You have to carve out time for the things that are important to you. As my wise friend Kim says, “Every day has constants and variables.” You know you’re going to have to do certain things every day; those are the constants. Then you have the things you only need to do once in a while, or things that pop up and must be taken care of. Those are the variables.
Make practice time a constant. For another constant in your day, make a 15- or 20-minute slot for making phone calls, freshening up your résumé, filling out applications, or e-mailing a potential employer.
Write these times into your day planner or PDA, and make them sacred. You can accomplish a great deal in 15 minutes of concentrated work, and when you do it every day, it becomes easier and you become more efficient.
Step Five: Break the goal down into tiny steps, and do some of those steps every day.
Keep track of your progress. You may want to get a little notebook or make a file on your computer where you track your dreams, your objections, your responses, your goals, and each little step along the way. It’s good to be able to go back and look at what you said you’d do, and at what you’ve done. It gives you a feeling of satisfaction, and also helps you with accountability.
Look at your lists and your dream board every day. Remind yourself of what you want to accomplish, why you want to accomplish it, how you can accomplish it, and what you’re doing to achieve it. Practice being successful. Remember, there is no magic—just a little bit of work, every single day. And you can do it.
