Michael Marlow made a ceramic frog, 
And we blushed as he gave it to me, 
And my brains went soft so I waved it aloft, 
For the whole kinder garden to see
And I dropped it immediately. 
I tried to think how to apologize, 
I was stumped, 
So his mom called mine
To inform me I was dumped. 
And I cried Oh No, 
No one else will ever love me
Maybe this guy?s my last chance, 
Mom what if no one ever loves me, 
And I die alone with cats and potted plants, 
And mom said that?s something to think about.
At the freshman mixer my date was Steve, 
We clearly were still a bit young, 
But I thought first kiss, 
So we leaned in like this, 
And I sorta maybe kinda mighta, 
Bit off the tip of his tongue, 
I tried to think how to apologize, 
As he bled, 
So I called for the ambulance, 
As I stroked his head, 
And he cried (distorted voice as though tongue is swollen)
No one else will ever love you, 
And it sort of made me see, 
Ow! No one else will ever love you, 
Then he dropped me off and that was it of Steve, 
The driver said You shouldn?t bit people?s tongues, 
So I?ve lost about five boyfriends, 
I tipped one out of a canoe, 
And I stepped on the hand, 
Of my one, one night stand, 
And its time now to talk about you?
You?ve yelled at me all night, its nearly dawn, 
And you say I should apologize, or you?re gone, 
And you say Oh No! no one else will every love me,
No one else will take my shit, 
But if this is how they love me, 
Then the answer is fuck you I quit!
I have seen guys yell, 
I?ve heard guys whine, 
And some how all of the fault was always mine, 
If I spoke my mind or failed to please, 
They?d start wailing like I broke their knees, 
Fine maybe I did once, 
But the thought of life alone made me afraid, 
So I what no one ever should and say,
I know someone?s gonna love me, 
And he?ll only need one skill, 
I will know the man who loves me, 
Cause the man I love is gonna learn, 
Yes the man I love is gonna learn, 
Yes the man I love is gonna learn,
To fucking chill, 
The man I love is gonna learn to fucking chill, 
The man I love is gonna learn to fucking chill!