"Well, I've walked down the aisle 
As much as Liz Taylor
But I've always stood off to the side.
Each bride has me dressed 
In a gown I detest.
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

For Caitlin, I wore satin
Which I looked really fat in.
Then again, you should have seen her man Ken;
All those calories he logged up
Til his arteries clogged up.
He died on the couch watching ESPN.
Too many weddings, too many dresses
That all make my hips look so wide. 
Not a gown I'd reuse. 
Ditto the matching shoes; 
Always a bridesmaid,
Never a bride.

For Tabitha, I wore taffetta 
You should never people laugh at ya,
But I had a hunch her marriage was doomed.
The groom tried to stroke me
While we danced the Hokey Pokey.
They divorced before the honeymoon.

Once my gown was velourish- 
Made me look kind of whorish-
But my best friend Delores 
Was never quite sane.
She shot her new mister
Cuz he bedded her sister.
He's not dead, but now he walks like John Wayne.
Too many weddings, too many dresses, 
That all make me look so thick thighed
My friends can't assess
A man or a dress.
Always a bridesmaid,
Never a bride.

When I look in my closet,
There's a rainbow deposit
Of gowns so grotesque that I groan.
All those husbands are gone,
But those dresses live on,
Even moths seem to leave them alone.
Too many weddings, too many messes
But at least I've hung on to my pride.
I've lived life alone, but the terms are my own.
Always a bridesmaid, (thank you Lord!)
Never a bride!"