Show Synopsis:
In Ancient Rome, Senex and his wife Domina leave their slave Pseudolus in charge of their son Hero while they travel, and Pseudolus offers Hero help at winning Philia's heart in exchange for his freedom. Philia is one of Lycus's prostitutes, and engaged to be married to the warrior Miles Gloriosus. Pseudolus tricks Lycus into letting Philia stay at Senex's house for awhile, and although she falls in love with Hero, she wants to honor her engagement. As Pseudolus and Hero concoct a plan to steal Philia away, Senex comes home early and Philia mistakes him for the Captain, who she has never met. Pseudolus convinces Senex that Philia is a new maid and hides her from Miles, then impersonates Lycus and offers to find her for Miles. Domina arrives back at her house in disguise, convinced that Senex is being unfaithful to her, and a massive chase ensues when Pseudolus tells Miles that Philia is dead from a plague in Crete that he knew did not exist. Miles's soldiers sort everything out, and Senex and Lycus's neighbor Erronius, who has been looking for his longlost children, realizes that Miles and Philia are in fact his song and daughter. Because they cannot be married, Philia marries Hero, Pseudolus gets his freedom, and Senex is stuck with Domina.
Character:
Senex, a middle-aged man who wants to live in luxury and enjoy all the pleasures of women that he can; selfish but cares about his family.
Pseudolus, a clever slave to Senex?s family who desires to be free; looks out for himself but is really a good guy.
Hysterium, a frantic man who likes order and precision; nervous and easily intimidated and outwitted.
Lycus, a selfish brothel owner who values money and does not care about being dishonest.
Song Context:
Although these men may not agree about every aspect of life, they agree that they all enjoy young women and all the pleasures they offer.
Fun Facts:
1. This musical is loosely based on a few of Plautus's farces: Pseudolus, Miles Gloriosus, and Mostellaria.
2. Composer and lyricist Stephen Sondheim has noted that this song is rooted in the differences between the four men and their opinions of what can and should be done with a maid.
3. The role of Pseudolus was written with Phil Silvers, a fast-talking comedian, in mind.
"SENEX
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Everybody ought to have a working girl,
Everybody ought to have a lurking girl
To putter around the house.
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Everybody ought to have a menial
Consistantly congenial
And quieter than a mouse.
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delicious,
Tidying up the dishes,
Neat as a pin.
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,
Sweeping out,
Sleeping in.
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Someone who you hire when you're short of help
To offer you the sort of help
You never get from a spouse:
Fluttering up the stairway,
Shuttering up the windows,
Cluttering up the bedroom,
Buttering up the master,
Puttering all around the house!
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delicious,
Tidying up the dishes,
Neat as a pin.
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,
Sweeping out,
Sleeping in.
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Someone who in fetching you your slipper will
Be winsome as a whipporwill
And graceful as a grouse:
Skittering down the hallway,
Flittering through the parlor,
Tittering in the pantry,
Littering up the bedroom--
SENEX AND PSEUDOLUS
Twittering all around the house!
HYSTERIUM
A maid?
SENEX
A maid.
PSEUDOLUS
A maid.
ALL
A maid!
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Everybody ought to have a serving-girl,
A loyal and unswerving girl,
To putter around the house.
Oh, oh,
HYSTERIUM
Think of her at the dustbin,
'Specially when she's just been
Traipsing about.
ALL
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,
HYSTERIUM
Living in,
SENEX
Giving out.
ALL
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Daintily collecting bits of paper n' strings,
Appealing in her apron strings
And graceful as a grouse.
HYSTERIUM
Pattering through the attic,
SENEX
Chattering in the cellar,
PSEUDOLUS
Clattering in the kitchen,
SENEX
Flattering in the bedroom,
ALL
Puttering all around the house!
The house!
The house!
LYCUS
A maid?
HYSTERIUM
A maid.
PSEUDOLUS
A maid.
SENEX
A maid!
ALL
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Someone who's efficient and reliable,
Obedient and pliable,
And quieter than a mouse!
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be so nimble,
Fiddling with her thimble,
Mending her gown.
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,
LYCUS
Cleaning up,
SENEX
Leaning down.
ALL
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Someone who'll be busy as a bumblebee
And even if you grumble, be
As graceful as a grouse.
LYCUS
Wriggling in the anteroom,
HYSTERIUM
Jiggling in the dining room,
PSEUDOLUS
Giggling in the living room,
SENEX
Wiggling in the other rooms,
ALL
Puttering all around the house!
The house!
The house!
The house!"