Oh, my heart is beating wildly
And it's all because you're here
When I'm not near the girl I love
I love the girl I'm near

Every femme that flutters by me
Is a flame that must be fanned
When I can't fondle the hand I'm fond of
I fondle the hand at hand

My heart's in a pickle
It's constantly fickle
And not too partickle, I fear
When I'm not near the girl I love
I love the girl I'm near
Sharon, I mean Susan, Susan

What if they're tall and tender
What if they're small and slender
Long as they've got that gender
I surrender

Always I can't refuse them
Always my feet pursue them
Long as they've got a bosom
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I woos 'em

I love the girl I'm near

When I'm not near the girl I love
I love a girl I'm near

I'm confessing a confession
And I hope I'm not verbose
When I'm not close to the kiss that I cling to
I cling to the kiss that's close

As I'm more and more a mortal
I am more and more a case
When I'm not facing the face that I fancy
I fancy the face I face

For Sharon I'm-a-caring
But Susan I'm-a-choosing
I'm faithful to whos'n is here
When I'm not near the girl I love
I love the girl I'm near