"I had a little dog,
his name was on his collar.
His ears felt like a rug.
I bought him for a dollar.

I'd bathe him in the sink,
each day the dog got sicker.
I gave him milk to drink -
I also gave him liquor.

Oh, my dog with his funny little face
ran around this rundown place 
and one day, he died
my dog, god I miss him
my dog, I would kiss his head
and he would sleep with me in bed.

I got another dog.
I painted this one leopard
I called it leopard spot.
He was born a German Shepherd.

We'd laugh, that dog and me,
I'd tell the jokes, he'd snicker
We'd sit beneath the tree, 
I'd read him Rin Tin Tin and Flicker.

Oh, my dog, playfully he'd misbehave, 
He was young and strong and brave but one day, he died.
Oh God, I'm near cryin'
Oh God, he's lyin' at the vets -
Guess that's what comes of loving pets!

I had a Sussex Spaniel, called him Daniel,
But it's name was Trudy.
She died too soon.
Next, I had a Skiperke,
Loved that dog unashamedly
It was freshly washed
when it got squashed
like a dog in a cartoon.

My next dog me no like.
A dandy Dinmont was he.
I used to toss the canine from my bike.
His name was Mr. Fuzzy.

I tried to change his size,
I pushed his face in flatter,
I pinched and squeezed his eyes,
But it really didn't matter.

Oh, my dog, stupid little Dandy D.
I loathed it and it loathed me,
It lived FOREVER!
Oh, God, life's ironic.
Oh, God, I'm a Catatonic guy.
Why's it only dogs I love that die?
My dogs."